The White Mum
- Sheila Murugi
- Nov 19, 2023
- 5 min read
A Beginning;
All life forms have one. It's the core of their existence and the source of all their attributes. The one thing that truly binds them to what they are and what they might be in the future. Of all the things known to man, the beginning is always a little bit fuzzy. Theories have been set aside to convince us of things that we can't quite comprehend. Tales have been curated and adorned to coin our minds into the idea of particular origins. The fact that we, as an intellectual community, believe in a myriad of things, makes me wonder, as individuals do we all crave the true knowledge of our beginnings? Yes, we know of birth, but what is it that we are? Where do our inclinations come from? Where do our minds go, when there are so many noises in the background to block us from what others call reality? Where is our core?
We, as human beings, are a wonderful creation. We're born, we live, we die. I know that removes all the wonder from the entire idea of the human race, but the fascination emerges when our roots are put into question. What is it that leads us to be born, to live to die? People have been searching for a point of reference. A clear-cut site or episode in their lives, where they felt grounded, or where they'd want to feel grounded. Is it a memory? a person? or an ordeal that makes our souls scream "This is it." What really makes us be? What makes us feel so at home that we just want to stick ourselves to its walls and never leave? We struggle daily to force ourselves to fit into other people's perspectives of home, that we forget what home means for us.
I always find myself asking where home is. They say that home is where the heart is but did they ever mention the exact location? The heart can be in different places all at once, but does that mean that every single one of those places is home? I think not. I think each of us has a pinned location for our souls. A single spot where our energy comes from, and where we can create more life within us even when we feel drained. For me, it was, is, and always will be a person. Of all the codes I have tried to crack, this gave birth to a bittersweet realization. Like the earth and its core, I too have a core. A beautiful, nourishing but rarely recognized core that always brings everything into perspective.
My core;
I implore you to imagine a field of flowers. Visualize a way where all the dazzling little petals you can think of, could thrive in one field and coexist peacefully. For a moment forget everything you know about the ecosystem, and think of a variety of alluring flowers, gracing your eyes with their beautiful hues, dancing choreographed flawlessly by the wind, and with the sun gazing upon them like they were movie stars from an award-winning film. Now, idealize it. If you aren't there yet, conceptualize, still in that field, a breeze, cool and calm. Inhale the sweet scents that are a gift from Mother Nature, and soak in the diverse serendipity of the earth. Look up to the sky, and see its clarity that has been artistically disturbed by those white balls of cotton, that can create anything that you can put your mind to. Shift your eyes to the delicately designed waterfall just across the field. The one where the rainbow decides to visit, and the water constructs caves from the rocks, embellishing the whole craft. Now that you are in that space, where the only thing you hear is the chirping of the birds, the howling of the wind, and the sound of the water as it cleanses its abode, direct your attention to the middle of the field. Right there at the heart of all this marvel, there's something hidden. Walk towards it as your heels majestically hit the cold earth, one step at a time. Are you there yet? Can you touch the petals? Have you been stopped by a rose or two? a tulip even? it's okay, you can stop for a bit and gaze upon their beauty, but I urge you to keep going. You'll see.
Finally, you're there. Exactly where I want you to be. Look around. You are at the center of all of it. Everything that your tiny little eyes could perceive at the beginning, is now surrounding you. Now focus on what is directly in front of you. I want you to see a peculiar little flower. One whose petals are tiny, some would say insignificant. Not really impressive like all the rest, but if you give me a chance I can make you understand its relevance in all of this. Its peculiarity is not because of anything vile, the opposite actually. This particular flower is one of a kind. It might not stand out like the petunias and the carnations but it has a significance. It is sweet and calm, and it symbolizes utter perfection. Notice how it just stands there. One could even say it's lonely, but trust me, it has a story. The flower is a chrysanthemum.
My chrysanthemum;
Her. My core. My center. The essence of my being.The heartbeat of everything that makes me. You might think she is hidden in that field because she is delicate, but she is nothing of the sort. She is at the center because it is through her, that everything comes to life. She is the origin of all of it. In that flower, I want you to see my home. A place only she could design to make me feel safe, included, and loved. The one place I hold on to, even when everything around me is chaotic, and mayhem is beckoning. Even when the clouds turn gray and all the other petals retreat, she still remains. Open for me to go and find solace, and to remember what beauty really feels like. I count myself lucky because from the moment I discovered her true relevance in my being, I felt tethered. Not to just a human, no. But to the perfect embodiment of extraordinary tranquility.
Chrysanthemums are sometimes called mums. I used to think it was a short form for people who can't actually pronounce it or are too lazy to, but I discovered that it could be because, in Australia, chrysanthemums are gifted to "mums" (moms) on Mother's Day.
I never got a chance to gift my mother with all the bouquets that I would have loved to, but chrysanthemums were among the first flowers I ever bought her. I had no idea what they meant at the time! All I know is I saw them and I immediately knew they'd match perfectly with her charming brown eyes.
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