Definito Vitae

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Life,

What is it really?

I'm guessing you've heard this question before. Sorry for the iteration loves, but I had to!

Its complications, fragility, and uncertainties,

Damn! What an enigma!

Is it all about love? Success? Allures? What?

I've always thought of it as being all about feeling something.

An impulse that's supposed to come to you naturally and sweep you off your feet with no fear of contradiction.

A diverse way of looking at everything! YOUR diverse way.

Like Newton and his apple. Or Shen Nung with tea. A bloody Eureka!

Sometimes I wonder, am I still young to question all of existence's complexities? Am I just a babe? A newborn in this? A mere conception,

Or should I just wait to be driven insane by that constant yearning?

Living? How should I? Does it come from the rush of adrenaline?

What do they mean by it? Why is it suddenly becoming a foreign term?

Is it common for people to feel like this? Am I the only one being engulfed by the need for more? Are my ambitions too high?

Questions, questions!

All I have are 8s! Where are my aces, my kings, my jokers?

Yes, I have a quiver, but where are all my arrows?

Why does it feel like I've never had any?

What if in this mind maze, I've hit an impasse? A roadblock? A dead end?

What am I to become? Who will I become?

The only thing that's certain is that I am a single entity in a universe full of a myriad of choices.

Don't get me started on these!

They say existence is an accumulation of the constant choices we make, that who you are at this exact moment is an aggregation of the paths you've taken while you traveled.

But how true is that? Does it mean that all the decisions that we are coerced to make by this cruel universe really dictate who we are or who we aren't?

Were they intoxicated when they said it?

Maybe it's true, maybe it isn't.

Honestly, I'm clueless.

Science doesn't lie, so I'll start with an experiment.

As a child, I was enthralled by a lot of things.

The cosmos for one. I chose to love them. I chose to think about the stars as the most beautiful contrivances that could ever exist. I chose to love the galaxy and all its magnificence!

Did that choice bring me to where I am or was it just another case of a shot of dopamine?

At another point, I was also excited about the human anatomy.

All those muscles and joints that make us move, the organs that make us be, and the hormones that bind us to emotions.

I mean I'd get giddy inside when I heard those wonderfully crafted Latin words that described my body, being uttered in a sophisticated way.

"Erythroblastotis fetalis, labium superius oris, oculus," yummy!

Do these choices of interest mean anything to me now or was I just having a party in my head?

Well, if you're wondering, I'm not an astronomer, neither am I an anatomist!

I know at this very moment you want to directly contradict me.

I assume you're aching to say,

"But you had the option to make all these choices and you didn't!"

True, true, I did and I took a completely different trajectory.

"Why?" you might proceed to ask.

"But darling, life isn't linear." I'll answer.

As much as I hate to admit it (or we all do), life is not ours to plan, nor is it by chance.

It is predefined. It's sort of a jigsaw puzzle and we're all just pieces roaming around till we fit!

So no, I refuse to accept that it's an agglomeration of choices.

The choices are just a ploy for us to take responsibility for the universe's decisions!

Think of a cup filled halfway. Is it half empty or is it half full?

Or does a zebra have white stripes on a black body, or black stripes on a white body?

Whatever answer you give is already preconceived!

You have no say in it, they just want you to think you do.

Those guys, however, didn't completely miss with the choices analogy.

A common case of Aki Shimizu's “Every lie contains a truth, and every truth contains a lie”

Hear me out;

Even though it's confined, you can still make the most out of the universe's ruling!

How? You may ask.

I tend to think you can play a game of chess with her and maybe she'll reward or punish you by bending her rules.

Like a Greek god, she'll do as she pleases, but, she could also be compelled otherwise if the contender is aggressive.

To conclude this tussle, I proceed to admit,

I am terrible at chess, so maybe that's why I'm not so good at this whole 'life concept.'

So, I'll get my board, gather all my pieces, and build my kingdom.

Then when I'm ready for war, I'll prepare my lungs and yell, "Checkmate!"

Maybe then, she'll pick me up and place me elegantly where I've always belonged.

A TINY PIECE IN HER METICULOUS ZIGSAW!