"I pledge allegiance to THE PROCESS."

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"My heart is empty, my mind a minefield.

The space around me is sapping, my voice is cracking."

These are the sort of things that would pillage my peace.

Sad, right? Or is it?

Looking back, I must've been really self-aware, cause God knows I was drowning.

I wasn't on the edge, no!

I was deep in the abyss of sadness and scarcity of love from deep within.

The wells in my eyes had dried up. Their contents siphoned by pain, darkness, trauma and insanity.

I had no plan. I was moving with the gravity of my existence.

I mean, it was the only way I knew I could live.

Live, Survive, Potato, potahto!

Anyway, enough about my dirty laundry! It's sorta depressing, I know.

Let's go to the not so "down in the dumps" parts.

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"My heart is trying, my mind is fighting.

The space around me is accepting, my voice is finally mending."

These are my current thoughts.

Gravity isn't at work anymore.

Holding on to the handlebars, I am in charge.

Failing, crying, learning, healing.

I guess that's what you'd call growing.

I am watering my pneuma and creating an empyrean from deep within.

This stage, era or passing is vital. I didn't think I would have to be in it.

Before, all I knew was, "If it's broken, replace it. If it's creased, toss it"

And the perfect student obeyed.

She patiently waited for the replacement to rip her soul out and occupy the emptiness.

Not once did she ever think of fixing it. How could she when she was her own rabbi?

She never let anyone in. She was quarantined in a bubble of her own ideologies!

As she waited, her vigor weakened and the bubble got thinner.

Some would say, the pressure got 'worser'!

A tug of war between what she knew and what the outside had to offer.

Pull and pull till the strongest had its way...

Eventually, the weakened membrane had to give in and pop! went the bubble.

Thank the heavens! For it was in that moment that the loved ones creeped in.

They came ready for war and made sure I was on the winning side!

I learnt through them that most times when it comes to such battles, fixing is the only solution.

The hard part, they said, was that it's not a quick fix. It's a hard earned victory of sorts that needs the kind of planning implemented in ancient kingdom courts.

A war that leads to the destruction of some of the most durable structures erected in our minds, leaving the necessary space for rebuilding.

Receptive, I began this journey of self-life. Beautiful intentional self-life!

Calling the shots and discovering which energies I can jig with and which ones I should close the door on.

A very exciting but demanding place to be.

As I pursue this wild safari, I am constantly challenged,

Will I complete this diaphanous maze that I decided to embark?

Who will I be in the end? Will I overcome all the hurdles it comes with? Or will I break and go back to the hopelessness of the beginning?

I am unaware of the outcome, and the thought of the experience makes me shiver with fear,

But for the first time I am hopeful. For the first time I am expectant.

So, as I stare at the frame in the mirror, I utter these simple words,

BE PATIENT MY LOVE, YOU'RE JUST CARBON IN THE WORKS!

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